THE
LIVES OF THE SAINTS
Reading: Matthew 13, 1-9
That same day Jesus left the house and went outside beside
Lake Galilee, where he sat down to teach. Such large crowds gathered
around him that he had to sit in a boat, while the people stood on the
shore. Then he taught them many things by using stories. He said: “A
farmer went out to scatter seed in a field. While the farmer was
scattering the seed, some of it fell along the road and was eaten by
birds. Other seeds fell on thin, rocky ground and quickly started
growing because the soil wasn’t very deep. But when the sun came up,
the plants were scorched and dried up, because they did not have enough
roots. Some other seeds fell where thorn bushes grew up and choked the
plants. But a few seeds did fall on good ground where the plants
produced 100 or 60 or 30 times as much as was scattered. If you have
ears, pay attention!”
Hello, as
Fr. Frank told you - my name is Carol Farnworth – I am divorced and have
2 boys – Jim 16 and Matt almost 14 and they are the light of my life.
Some of you may also remember me as Carol Christiana since I have been a
parishioner here at St. Cyril & St. Methodius for 38 years. With the
exception of baptism (which I received in St. Jerome’s in Brooklyn –
some of you might have heard of that place –
Brooklyn?)
I have received all my sacraments here at St. Cyril’s. When I was
younger I would go to church with my parents every week and I used to
get upset because back then there was no place for girls in the church.
I used to sometimes fix the missilettes in the pews after mass just to
feel like I was doing something. After I received Confirmation I got
involved with the RAP (Religion and People) Program – we would have
weekly meetings at an adults home and meet once a month at church – but
the best part of RAP was in June we would have a sunrise mass at the
beach and then spend the day there. I also joined Tim Leitch’s folk
group (choir) and it gave me a purpose for coming to church. When I was
13 - I made a “Sons & Daughters” retreat – which was run by the people
who ran Marriage Encounter retreats. I got involved with Sons &
Daughters and participated as a team member on several retreats. At the
same time my brother had joined Antioch (which was the name of the youth
group here at St. Cyril’s. They met every Wednesday night and made a
yearly retreat). My brother went on a retreat, and of course, me being
a younger busy body sister, I wanted to know what it was all about it.
So the following year I made my first
Antioch
retreat and I am so glad I did. Although I was raised catholic and
always went to church it was just like going through the motions. When
I made my first Antioch retreat that is when I really understood what
Jesus had done for ME --- for all of US. To this day during the
consecration I bow my head and say “Thank you Jesus, Thank you Lord!”.
As I got a little older I
got involved with and taught in the Religious Ed program and for many
years I was on the Festival Committee. St. Cyril’s was my home. My
family and friends were here. I always felt at home and comfortable
here.
When I got married and moved to Bay
Shore – my parish would have been Our Lady of Lourdes in West Islip but
I spoke to Msg. Rooney and told him I wanted to stay a parishioner of
St. Cyril’s since this was my home (my family and friends were all here)
so he advised me to get a release – which I did and now my children have
received all their sacraments here.
When my mother passed away
that was very hard for me – I was very close with her and to this day I
miss her terribly. Her funeral was the day before Thanksgiving and I
always went to the 9:00 am mass on Thanksgiving morning because to me it
is very special because the people that are there are there because they
want to be there giving thanks to God not because they are obligated to
be there. Well as usual I went to mass
Thanksgiving morning and I will always
remember Maryanne Farrell coming up to me and said to me – it’s so nice
to see you here today (she of course knowing that my mother’s funeral
had been the day before) and I said to her – where else would I be. It
had been the place where less than 24 hours before I had said goodbye to
my mother and I couldn’t think of a place I would have rather been. It
is difficult times like this that I often wonder
what people do that don’t believe in God
– that don’t have any faith at all – how do they survive these
hardships. I know that I am not alone – even if at times I may feel
that way. God never abandons me – I only abandon him.
At the time we got married
my husband rarely came to church with me but he said once we had
children he would come with me. Well – the children came along and he
didn’t come with me – I either took the kids with me or if he were home
I would leave them home with him. I used to meet my parents, my aunt
and my sister and her children and we’d take up a whole pew. I used to
see families together at mass and I would remember when I was young and
what it was like and I really missed having my spouse share in my church
and spiritual life.
Well – my marriage fell apart
for many reasons – one of which I believe was because there was no God or
church in our marriage. I had a really hard time with accepting the fact
that I was getting divorced. I’m a practicing catholic – I can’t get
divorced, how could I break my vow to God?
I wanted the marriage to stay
together even if it was just because I didn’t want to be divorced. I
went and spoke with Fr. Frank and I asked him “Where do I stand with the
church being a divorced person?” And he told me “that I am still the same
person I was before and still an active part of the church – that
sometimes marriages are hopeless and do more damage if the people stay
together.” He made me feel better about it but I was still going to be a
statistic and what was this going to do to my boys. The innocent ones –
they had nothing to do with this and now all of our lives were changing.
I no longer had a partner to share my life with, I was now a single parent
and would have to make a lot of decisions on my own, I would have to share
my children with their father and his girlfriend – and only be with them
every other night and every other weekend. I felt like I was being
replaced as a person, as a wife and worst of all - As a mother. I had
been my children’s primary care giver while their father worked full time
and went to school full time. MY CHILDREN would now have a new mother
figure in their life and I had no control of it and I couldn’t do anything
about it. I now had to start working full time and I was no longer there
when they came home from school and wasn’t there to take them to the Dr.,
dentist, baseball, bowling, etc. And I had a very hard time with all of
this and I was angry and hurt and it showed. My boys felt like they had
to walk on egg shells around me because I would get upset when they would
talk to me because they knew that if they talked about their father and
his girlfriend I would get upset. It was not fair to them – I was hurting
them and I certainly
didn’t want to do that. I had to deal
with this and I finally started asking for God’s help. I started reciting
the Serenity Prayer Often (GOD GRANT ME THE SERENITY TO ACCEPT THE THINGS
I CANNOT CHANGE, COURAGE TO CHANGE THE THINGS I CAN AND WISDOM TO KNOW THE
DIFFERENCE)
As I would be driving (I do a
lot of that) I would say “GOD PLEASE HELP ME, I DON’T WANT TO BE AN ANGRY
PERSON ANYMORE, I WANT TO STOP HURTING MY CHILDREN AND I WANT TO STOP
HURTING – PLEASE HELP ME”. With Gods help and the love and support of my
family and friends (especially my friends and family here at St. Cyril’s)
I made it through that difficult time and I am a much happier person now.
Although the divorce did take
its toll on me and I didn’t want to get involved in any relationships - my
boys and family and friends were always after me to start dating and I had
no interest – I guess I didn’t want to risk the pain again and I was fine
on my own – I had been alone for 5 years. It’s amazing what you can learn
how to do around a house when you have to! But recently I started
thinking differently – I am a loving and caring person and I would like to
share that with someone and I would like to have companionship and someone
to comfort me when I’m down. Well I have met someone and although I
avoided him like the plague because he is not of my faith (which is what I
wanted - someone to share that with me) we are very happy together. I
don’t know what tomorrow will bring – and I can’t
worry about that. But as usual – God
showed me he has a sense of humor by reminding me that no matter what I
may plan for myself – He is always the one in control.
Another way in which God has controlled
things is the fact that I am truly blessed with my boys and that they have
followed in my footsteps. They were both involved with Middle School
Life and now youth group and I have had the privilege and honor to work in
the youth program now for about 4 years and the retreat team for the last
2 years. I have met and worked with some wonderful people and kids and I
have made friendships that I know will last a long time. I also
supervise the ushers at the 7:00 pm mass and it is so great to see these
kids coming to mass and are happy to serve God.
A year ago January my ex-husbands
grandmother passed away and I attended the wake and I couldn’t believe
when I turned around and saw the priest coming in the room to do the
service – it was Fr. Greg Cappacino – he worked with the youth program
(Antioch) when I was in it. So of course we talked and I told him how
everything was coming full circle – that my son Jim was making 0his first
Antioch retreat in March. Jim had a wonderful experience just as I did
and now he understands the importance of the Eucharist.
Well God wasn’t finished with
me yet - about 2 years ago I saw in the bulletin that if anyone was
interested in being a Eucharistic Minister they were to contact Lucille.
I was always under the impression that you had to be asked to be a
Eucharistic Minister – so I was thrilled – I was at a time in my life
where I was feeling better about myself and my boys were old enough where
they could sit in church by themselves so I went for my training and
became a Eucharistic minister. That has been such a blessing in my life.
I feel so honored to be giving out the body and blood of Jesus. People
have told me that I have such a smile on my face when I am giving out
communion and I know I do because I love to serve God.
The reason I chose the reading
I did is because it reminds me of the different stages or times in my
life. Although I would hope that I am on good ground and can be
productive all the time – if I hadn’t had the other experiences I wouldn’t
be the person I am today.
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