The Vocation of Divorce

                                                                                                -Francis X. Gaeta

            The Church has a great responsibility to uphold the dignity of marriage. In Pre-Cana Programs, FOCCUS, Engaged Encounters and marriage counseling she is trying to help and prepare beautiful and sincere couples to celebrate their marriage and to live "'till death do us part."

            But the Church, as so many other loving parents, has experienced an incredible number of divorces. The statistics don't vary much from Catholic to non-Catholic couples. It is still an epidemic as the Church tries even harder to prepare her people for loving, joyful and life-giving marriages.

            The Church is just as concerned for the well-being and happiness of her members who have experienced divorce and as much effort and concern must be given to help people pick up the pieces and begin a new life. That is why many speak today about the vocation of divorce.

            By vocation we don't mean that divorce is presented as an option or in any way encouraged during marriage preparation or later when problems begin to surface Catholic clergy and counselors will suggest all types of counseling, therapy, Retrouvaille weekends, etc. to help troubled couples find their way. The pain and trauma of divorce for the spouses and the children are made very clear in the course of counseling. Separation and divorce are last resorts after everything else has been tried and failed.

            But sometimes couples will reach a point where they know they cannot continue in the relationship without doing irreparable psychological, spiritual or even physical damage to themselves and their children. Decisions like this are always very painful. I have been so touched by the sincerity and integrity of married people who have opened their hearts to the Holy Spirit in the process of discernment of God's will and their future. Like many priests who came to decisions to leave the priesthood they followed the call of the Spirit in humility and complete honesty.

            The Lord would love to see every marriage last until death. The Lord does give grace and blessings to couples to help them, but sometimes they just can't make it and an individual or a couple must come to decisions that they would never have wanted to happen when they got married.

            When people find themselves in divorce and in a new life, where do they stand with the Church? Where they have always stood—as a blessed member. Divorced persons are not second class Catholics. They are not people who are just tolerated. They are not losers who are allowed to attend services but really don't belong. They are as cherished and loved as anyone else is in church on a Sunday morning.

            When Jesus looks out at us on a Sunday morning He sees all of His beloved sisters and brothers. Each of us has his/her particular cross and struggle, beginning with the priest/servant who leads the Eucharist. Each of us is broken and in need of redemption and the loving touch of a Saviour.

            We are all His family and He calls us to follow Him. Some of us He calls to be His disciples in the vocation of divorce. He calls us to pick up the pieces of a broken life and to put them together to make a new life. He calls us to a new life and He wills our fulfillment and our happiness in this new life we hadn't planned for at the beginning.

            How holy and blessed is the loving life of single parents trying to do the best for their children, trying to hold down jobs and maintain a healthy family. How sacred the lives of these holy ones are to the Lord as they try to the best of their ability to hear the call of the Lord and faithfully follow it. It never ceases to amaze me how much we need to extend a hand of love and welcome to these beautiful sisters and brothers who have lost so much and are trying so hard to put it together. It is so sad to see how many still feel unwanted, unwelcome and not good enough to belong to the Church of sinners.

            Why do some marriages blossom and others fail? Why do the "sure things" sometime frizzle away while the "off the wall" couples thrive? In addition to hard work, preparation and a bit of luck, there is also the reality of the profound mystery it is for two people to become one in mind, heart, body and emotions. We are on the holy ground of God's presence and we don't always understand the how's and why's of success and failure.

            One thing we do know: when things have fallen apart and died, the Lord calls us to a new life. The vocation of divorce, possible remarriage, annulment, raising children (the other will always be a part of their life when there are children), in-laws, relationships with mutual friends and their children, finances, careers, etc. will all be invitations of Jesus to love and forgive as He would want us to.

            Divorce is another way to love. It is not the one that was originally planned, but it is a call, a holy vocation, a way to find and love God in a new and challenging way. The greatest failure is not to go through a divorce, it is to give up on life and God and to think that one is no longer important or loved by the Lord. There are so many divorced persons who are living lives of heroic sanctity. They are precious parts of a Church that is made up of fellow sinners who are becoming saints. After all, what is a saint but a sinner who never gives up?